Archive for the 'Personal' Category
Bunny and Egg time again folks.
As you dig into your chocolate rabbits and eggs at this time of year spare a thought for our missing history. All those tales and stories of European oral history that were destroyed over the centuries. The stories that accompany the eggs and rabbit your children are demolishing. The tales of your ancestors migrations across Europe, through the UK and now across the world. All gone.
Ignore the christian idols that have been pasted on top of the traditional spring festival. They have had their day. Like the winter past, after two thousand years of ignorance and darkness, the lies and deceits of the church are finally falling from the minds of our children.
We now live in a world where foolishness of the church is plain to see. Condom’s cause HIV eh? Let’s file that one alongside the “World is Flat”, papal infallibility and Rome being the gateway to the afterlife.
But for now dig in. For those still in the North. Winter and Winterfest is a memory, the snows are receding, the streams are running again, the fowl are laying and rabbits can be found in the fields. The darkness of winter has been pushed back and finally after three long months the kids are no longer underfoot and there is fresh food on the table.
Happily the festival of the spring equinox is much as it has always been, a time for family, friends, eggs and rabbit – albeit chocolate ones in this day and age.
Eat and enjoy. Another year begins and there is much work to be done before the darkness and the cold returns.
April 11 2009 | Personal and Philosophy | 2 Comments »
Let’s See What Happens.
Now I am or maybe was a heavy smoker, have been for maybe thirty years. Couple of packs a day is easy if I am working on the computer or am drinking. Anyway long story short I am out of work and spending $12.00 to $20.00 per day on tobacco when I don’t have that much to spend on food doesn’t add up thank you to the governments taxes. So I do my normal thing when I am out of work and smoke roll your own tobacco. Problem is my brand isn’t conveniently available and the nearest thing to it sucks. OK stuff it, will put them down for a while.
BTW if you are expecting this to be an anti smoking tirade bugger off. I like smoking and am very likely to start again.
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January 28 2009 | Personal | No Comments »
Life’s A Bitch And Then You Die.
Well Winterfest is over which means I can stop annoying the christians who keep trying to claim they invented the festival. Well at least until the Northern Spring when I can start a Springfest rabbits and eggs thread.
Rather than continue my exploration of thought, which I must admit has hit the brick wall of being unable to explain what such a simple thing as Red is. I will wind up the year with my summary of why 2008 sucked for me.
This one is a personal post by the way, which means it makes sense to me, but for anyone else it is most likely introspective navel gazing. But hey that’s what blogs are for. Same as therapy, but without the bills.
With that said, the suckiness began at the end of Sept 2007 when I left work to wind up a thesis that I had been working on for years and was going to live off the market for a while. If you want a real laugh have a look at when the Dow started falling. It was twelve days later….. I kid you not.
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December 25 2008 | Personal | No Comments »
The One That Got Away
This one is probably out of context but hey it’s my blog I will write what I want. Its the therapeutic mental fumbling of a confirmed bachelor. A guy trying to get his brain around a member of the shoe fixated gender that came in and rearranged his world view just in time for reality to intervene and send everything back to how it was before.
Here was this woman, you had known her for months, to your eye stunning for sure, but hey you were Mr Single. Your life was your own and the last thing you wanted was a mortgage, in laws, being nagged at and the pervasive odour of nappies. Everything was more or less planned out, a couple more years of work, save up some pennies, wait for the market to bottom and head back off to uni for that PhD you have wanted for ever, get old, drop dead, game over.
But nooo, someone was having a Black Skirt Day which while not a topic even braver men than me choose to discuss. It did mean that she was wearing that skirt. Along she comes to say something and then waltz off as she has dozens of times before. This time was different, she was armed. With a swish of her tail, the hem of her skirt synched up with the swing of her hips and bzzzzzttt! something deep in your brain short circuits.
WTF happened? Did she do that on purpose? Did she aim and shoot, or was that accidental? Do women consciously sashay their way past your defenses, or do they just randomly fire to see who they take down? Probably never find out of course, more secret womens business.
Ten points to whoever designed that skirt by the way, absolutely perfect length to hip swing ratio. The bottom of it swung a mesmerizingly perfect 180 degrees out of phase with the top.
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December 15 2008 | Personal | No Comments »
Okay Annoying Woman
So I’ve noticed you, how could I not. But now you know I have noticed you, I have noticed that you would rather me notice you not.
OK..So I will ignore you if that’s what you want. Which is ignoring the fact that as soon as I do my ignorance is sure to be noticed.
Ok..How about you ignore that I have noticed you and as you have noticed I will ignore that you noticed me to.
Mmm.. No Good, Ignore that.
Aha.. Thats what I ‘ll do. I will ignore that I have been ignoring you in the hope that you will notice that I never ignored you at all.
Oh Oh..
Now I notice you’re ignoring me.
Faaaaarrrrrrkkkk!!!
And women wonder why men have such screwed up heads, drink beer and hide in back sheds.
Do they learn this from their mothers or is there some kind of secret cult that teaches the arcane arts of grabbing a man by the balls, gazing into his eyes, knocking him senseless, leaving him a poor quivering wreck, with no idea what he has done, or even if he did anything at all, but knowing that no matter what he does, it’s going to be the wrong bloody thing!
And where do they learn that stony glare…..
November 18 2008 | Personal | No Comments »
It’s A Bloke Thing
Don’t you just hate it when they get into your mind. Let your thoughts drift for a second and there you are, goofy grin on your face and lustful daydreams filling your head.
It’s even worse when they make you wait. You just know she’s yours but are you allowed to get your grubby mit’s on her. Noooo you gotta wait.
Ok I am waiting, and waiting. How bout we go for a “test ride”? Just a quick one.
No I gotta wait.
How bout your older sister? could I take her for a ride for a while? When your ready how about I trade her in on you? Mmmm on second thoughts let’s not mention that idea, I could end up waiting even longer.
C’mon! this is driving me nuts and getting expensive too.
March you say, Why March? Why do I have to wait till March!!
Some would call her as ugly as sin, germanic looks, one eye bigger than the other but I can’t get her off my mind. I thought her older sister was hot, but then I saw her , big chest and slim tail and with a face that only a mother could love.
November 05 2008 | Humour and Personal | No Comments »
Punic Wars
I know it’s terribly corny, but those reading this site will have noticed a slightly more than healthy number of really bad puns. Simple things may amuse small minds perhaps, but I consider a clever pun the height of wit.
To formally define what I consider to be a pun:
A pun is a single statement, that has two or more different interpretations, all of which are true.
A few of mine that tend to get used more often than others, and please forgive the vulgarity.
A Legal Pun, Is A Legal Pun.
Another Twit of Wit from the Wit of a Twit.
That bastard couldn’t manage an erection in a Texas whorehouse
Theoretically it appears that puns occur when a word has a single meaning that starts being used by different populations or groups of people in a different context. After a while you end up with the meaning of the word splitting into two or more distinct definitions whilst retaining the same sound and often spelling. When the words come back into contact with each other as different groups interact, as often occurs with the hodge podge called English you end up with a pun.
Observations on language aside, if you have some of your own Twits of Wit that you consider worthy extensions for the Wit of this Twit then please let me know.
More will be posted as time, inspiration and – you guessed it – wit – allow…
And a Final Comment, Not Mine, And Technically Not Correct – But Worthy Of Repeating.
These bastards couldn’t find a root in a wood yard
Which is generally applied to politicians management and occasionally the Wallabies or the Australian Test Squad as context permits.
Sic ‘Em Rex
October 26 2008 | Personal | No Comments »
