Thor The Masterchef…
Scary Scary Thought
Well at least Thor is off his short lived get fit kick that started when he overheard a couple of the Valkyries comment on how his formerly barrel chest seems to have dropped to his navel. The Valkyries really shouldn’t talk, Caesar hadn’t crossed the Rhine the last time any of them could even spell the word virgin let alone pass for one. Given that most of their formerly perky nipples can now shake hands with their navels, it really was a case of the pot calling the kettle black. The phrase “gaggle of cackling hags” does to spring to mind here – just don’t say I said it.
Anyway after three months of Thor vegging on the couch complete with Lycra pants and sporran, the Biggest Looser comes to an end, promising to put a close to this entertaining – but futile episode. Except no one had counted on some bright spark at the local TV station deciding to put a cooking show into the same time slot as a weight loss program…..
If that’s not deliberate cruelty I don’t know what is. Here you have an audience of people with an unhealthy appetite for food stressing themselves into complete dietary dysfunction, taking out soon never to be used again gym memberships, suddenly having endless plates of the most delicious food waved in front of their pudgy little faces.
Needless to say the horned one now thinks he can cook. Which wouldn’t be so bad except Thor is a typical Anglo Germanic strictly meat and three veg type of guy. Gourmet cooking to him and his hordes consists of opening a beer, firing up the barbie, heat meat until it starts to blacken, put potatoes, carrots and peas in microwave for two minutes, throw everything onto a plate and eat.
The closest this guy gets to a herb crust is when he drops the steaks onto a newly mowed lawn.
The deer and unicorn have already buggered off lest they become the target of some misplaced gastronomic experiment. The staff in the kitchen are about to go on strike and the normally hearty eating dwarfs have all mysteriously decided to go on a strict frozen dinner only diet.
This is going to be a very, very long three months…
May 04 2009 11:35 am | Thoughts of Thor
